one might say we're banned from that church
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
