you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
