five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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