i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
