Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
