Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
