i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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