I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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