I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
