are you still at the devil's house?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
