I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
