Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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