we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize