I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
