you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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