The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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