about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
