90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
