She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
