The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
