She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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