My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
