Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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