I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
