Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
