you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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