Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
