she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
