Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
