i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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