Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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