Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
