The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
