Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
