Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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