he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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