the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
