She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
