"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
