Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
