but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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