Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
