This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
