under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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