Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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