You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As shirtless as possible
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
