Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
