I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
