Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
