I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
