I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
