i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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