real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
